Album: Off The Deep End
Song: I Can't Watch This
Parody of: "U Can't Touch This" by Hammer

I can't watch this. I can't watch this.

I can't watch this. I can't watch this.

My my my my TV makes me so bored,

Makes me say, oh my lord.

What is this garbage here?

Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears.

It sucks, and that's no lie.

It's about as much fun as watching paint dry.

Lowers my IQ one notch,

And that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch.

I told you homeboy... I can't watch this.

Yeah, nothin' but trash and you know... I can't watch this.

Poke out my eyes, man... I can't watch this.

Yo, gimme that remote control... I can't watch this.

Talkin' 'bout sick shows,

There's America's Funniest Home Videos.

I can't believe my eyes

When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize.

Somebody's poor old mom

Falls down off the roof, lands right on the lawn

Face first on a rake.

I hear they got it on the seventeenth take.

That's funny as a kick in the crotch.

And that kinda show, uh, I can't watch.

Yo, I told you... I can't watch this.

Change the channel now, man... I can't watch this.

Yo, pass the TV Guide here, sucker... I can't watch this.

Cosby Show and Roseanne,

Think I've taken 'bout as much as I can.

Judge Wopner, oh my,

You gotta be Rainman to like this guy.

Thirtysomething is all right,

If you like hearing yuppies whining all night.

Can't stand Twin Peaks.

Wish they'd lynch those donut-eatin' freaks.

Those Siskel & Ebert bums

Oughta go home and just sit on their thumbs.

That's word because you know... I can't watch this.

I can't watch this.

Break it down!

Here's-how-to-order-money-back-guarantee-

removes-tough-stains-fast-

it-tastes-more-like-fresh-peanuts-

they-keep-going-and-going-

don't-hate-me-because-I'm-beautiful-

could-be-dandruff-

our-prices-are-insaaaane!!!

Stop! Prime time!

I'm pretty sure I'll be sick

If I have to watch another stupid pet trick.

Or that guy with the real flat hair

That goes "woof woof woof" and waves his fist in the air.

Or those weird talk shows

About transsexual Nazi Eskimos.

They're rude, crude, and vile.

Just for a minute let's flip down the dial.

Flip, flip, flip... yeccch, I can't watch this.

Look, man... I can't watch this.

I can't take this torture no more, I can't... I can't watch this.

Pay the bills, station break.

Break it down!

Operators-are-standing-by-

cubic-zirconium-necklace-

you're-soaking-in-it-

and-our-fabulous-swimsuit-issue-

when-you've-got-a-headache-this-big-

read-the-book-

this-is-your-brain-on-drugs-

I've-fallen-and-I-can't-get-up!!!

Stop! Cable time!

HBO and Playboy, Showtime and MTV,

I might like 'em more after my lobotomy.

Now why did I ever pay for this junk?

I hooked up eighty channels, and each one stunk.

Just brainless blood and guts, and mindless T & A.

It's awful, it's putrid, it's crummy, it's stupid, gonna throw my set away.

I can't watch this. I can't watch this.

I can't watch this. Yeah... I can't watch this.

I told you... can't watch this.

Too hip, can't watch this.

Get me outta here... can't watch this.